TALKING about the meaning of life? You must be stoned. Here are the other meandering chats you have when you’re high as balls:
Do humans have souls?
You only thought about this because you saw a fly on the windowsill and started wondering if it had a soul, and now you’re looking at your friend wondering what they would look like as a fly. But that’s a weird thing to say, so go for the officially-sanctioned weirdness of major religions.
Is there an afterlife?
Now that you’ve wasted a whole evening staring at the ceiling in your stoner mate’s flat, you’re probably wondering where your existence is heading on a spiritual level. You’ll inevitably try to come up with something profound like ‘the afterlife is the same as it was before life’. What a load of pompous shit.
Which animal could you take in a fight?
Slumped on the sofa with no intention of getting up, you’re pretty sure you could take on anything smaller than a sheep and kill it. Your mate is obsessed with the idea of killing a shark, but only if the shark was on land. Your ensuing argument about sportsmanship will go on for two hours.
Would you steal a loaf of bread to feed your family?
Now you’ve moved on from the heavy topics, and the munchies for a loaf of Hovis you spotted earlier have kicked in, you can wheel out this classic moral dilemma. You both say ‘yeah’ then watch an entire episode of Antiques Roadshow on mute in silence.
Is there any more weed?
You could have sworn that being stoned was more pleasant than this, so maybe you should check by smoking more. Your friend claims there’s no weed left, but you can see some on the windowsill. You leave, initially annoyed, but then feel grateful because you’d forgotten you’re working at the garage in two hours.
