Lifestyle

WAS 2023 somehow, for you personally, the worst year of the decade so far? Have you resolved to turn things around? Are these your hopeless resolutions for 2024?

A WOMAN getting ready to go to a New Year's Eve party is looking increasingly unlikely to be finished before midnight.

A COUPLE have refused to make any New Year’s Eve plans in the hope that they will be invited to a fabulous, star-studded party.

BORED over the festive period? Also horny and transgressive? You can only penetrate yourself with these once a year.

A STUDY has found that everybody is justified in finding this time of year a bit of a pain in the arse.

GIFTS of Lego have been opened, built and are now sitting there being as dull as shit.

A WOMAN is over the moon to have received a very expensive gift that is in no way personal to her.

PEOPLE only spend one Christmas with friends instead of family as it always ends in tears, arguments and alcohol poisoning, it has emerged.

IS it too much to ask for a nativity story that the financially comfortable can relate to? No. Let’s imagine the birth of Jesus if Mary and Joseph had arts degrees.

A WOMAN eating a grown-up, sophisticated platter of meats and cheeses has realised it is basically the processed snack she used to eat at school.