Lifestyle

A WOMAN visiting Paris has sensibly brought a new pair of high-heeled leather boots that are yet to be broken in as her only footwear option.

A STRAIGHT woman who likes to call herself a ‘fag hag’ only actually has one gay male friend, it has emerged.

A COURAGEOUS hero took the plunge and started tugging away while waiting in for his Amazon delivery, it has emerged.

A WOMAN only puts effort into her appearance for herself and the chief deity of the Aztecs Huitzilopochtli, she has confirmed.

MET a bloke for the first time and aren’t sure if he's going to turn out to be a dickhead? Look for these visual signifiers.

THERE are neighbourhoods where only wealthy knobheads can afford to live, but oddly you’re meant to care about them. Residents of these areas can piss off.

THE English language is second to none when it comes to words for minge. So what is your preferred term for vaginas, and what does it say about you? 

YOUR elderly parents and the youth of today have little in common, except they choose to watch television like f**king maniacs. This is how they get it wrong.

OI! MATE! Yeah you, across the street. Having trouble meeting birds? Sad bastard. Here’s how to tell her you’re emotionally available by shouting from three storeys up.