THE radiant sunshine beating down on the country has revealed that everyone has been wallowing in their own filth for the last few months.
As well as turning parks into twat-infested shitholes and giving dickheads permission to walk around topless, the sunny weather has highlighted just how dank, unhealthy and disgusting your living conditions have become.
Jack Browne from Nottingham said: “I thought I was a clean and tidy person. But the first shafts of light have exposed me as a slovenly pig man who rummages around in squalor.
“Every surface is blanketed with a thick layer of dust, there are pizza boxes strewn all over the floor, and mould has started growing on my unwashed laundry. I dread to think what you’d see if you started shining around a black light.
Helen Archer from Tewkesbury said: “It’s like that scene in Great Expectations where they throw open the curtains to reveal years of death, decay and festering insects. But rather than being a well-written piece of prose, this is my crap, foetid reality.
“The windows are covered with mysterious greasy streaks, there are cobwebs in every corner, and don’t get me started on the dandruff trodden into the carpet. Compared to the dazzling blue skies outside, I’m living in a flat more scuzzy than a belly button or a communal shower drain.
“So frankly, the sooner this glorious weather I’ve longed for buggers off, the better. I’d rather live in mucky ignorance, plus I can barely see the telly thanks to the glare.”
