By Tom Logan
I GET it. Women on apps expect a man of my age to have settled down. The ones aged 24 to 29 anyway. I don’t know what ones over 30 would say. They’re not in my Tinder age range
So as soon as they see my ‘distinguished’ but also youthful image dangled tantalising before them, they’re desperate to lock this down and get those genes passed on.
They ask why I’ve never married, had kids or learnt to put on a fitted sheet, shocked that no lady’s ever been able to tame this stallion. And I say to them: take it as a challenge. Live up to the task.
Because, as I reassure the lucky girls, I’m not completely against the idea of one day getting a mortgage, committing to one person and eating a dinner that isn’t microwaved. But I’m only 44. If I married I’d practically be a child husband and Unicef should be getting involved to save me. I’m only just out of my thirties and still decades off my fifties, mentally.
Besides, I have had long-term relationships that have gone on for years. Sure, women claim those are really just six one-night stands with one person spread over eight years because I kept sliding back into her DMs when I was horny. So?
Even if I did let myself be hogtied and dragged to the altar now, I’d just spend married life miserable about all the cool stuff I could be doing instead of driving some 40-year-old to the WI. How could I give up the skateboarding, the clubbing, the endless parade of hot 20-somethings eager for a piece of the Loganmeister General?
As for kids – at 44, I’m barely able to take care of myself, let alone a tiny human who will one day mock me for having had Facebook. So yes, while some men my age are planning family holidays and sheds, I am struggling to keep a houseplant alive in the flatshare living room.
Check back in another 10 years. I might be ready then. But, honestly, no promises.
