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Northerner bemoans 15-minute commute

A NORTHERN man is feeling hard done by because of an intolerable quarter-hour daily commute. 

Insurance agent Tom Logan of Preston has become increasingly irritated at having to leave home at a ridiculous 8.45am and complains his commute is taking over his life.

He said: “My old job was in the same town, so I could be there in five minutes. Now? I’m losing half an hour every day, and that’s if there aren’t delays.

“To be honest I’m out of the door at twenty to most days, and it’s seriously affecting my quality of life. I’m missing half a Frasier every morning and that’s something you can’t catch up on.

“By the time I get to the office I’m knackered. And don’t get me started on smug cyclists flying past in their special lane while I’m nose-to-tail. Doing it deliberately to mock me.

“I can’t stay in this job. It’s destroying me. I’m wasting my whole life going to and fro and they don’t even pay me for it.”

He added: “Southerners commute for how long? That’s insane. They should move nearer work.”

'He's the one,' says woman turning 35 next month

A SINGLE woman has met the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with a mere fortnight before her 35th birthday. 

Nikki Hollis had despaired of ever meeting the perfect man, ending multiple relationships because of partners’ minor flaws, before unexpectedly finding love of her life Tom Logan with just five years of child-bearing to go.

She said: “As you get a bit older, what you’re looking for in a man changes. It’s less about good looks and flash cars and more about kindness, stability and fertility.

“I just knew, like everyone says you’re meant to, from the very first date. The red flags like him repeatedly having to move back in with his parents and the size of his nose simply didn’t matter.

“Who would ever have thought I’d end up with a man who thinks Nigel Farage talks a lot of sense? It’s marvellous we’ve found each other, and that my friends will stop asking me how my love life is going in a voice more usually reserved for the recently bereaved.

“We’ll probably be moved in by autumn and planning a wedding for next summer. Who knows, I might even be pregnant going down the aisle!”

Logan said: “We’ve only been out on one date. But sure, fine.”

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