MORNING. Have nice weekend? Mine good too. Caught up with mates and went on day trip. Low key vibes, you know?
Caught up with mates
Hard to make time to see mates when you running country, winning war and people love you 1,000 per cent. Then I hear old pal Prigozhin driving up to visit! With entourage because he is diva. We talk about good times and have big laugh. Been too long. He announces he is starting new venture in Belarus as small importer of nerve agents. Wish him luck.
Went on day trip
Kremlin amazing, but same four walls get boring. I very suddenly fancy change of scenery. So hop on private jet and fly away to undisclosed location which is only undisclosed so tourists don’t find and ruin, like Tulum. Nice to get away from it all and go off grid. Mental health break like millennials.
Did some life admin
Put phone on shelf as so many breaking news reports and no real substance. Did taxes, took meter readings, stroked puppy ordered in for occasion of stroking. Felt at peace. Checked work emails on phone while on toilet and bulk-deleted spam about ‘coup’. Not glamorous but needs doing.
Updated LinkedIn
You never know when new opportunities arise. Added ‘crushing insurgents’ to skill set, underneath ‘riding horse topless’ and ‘not germophobe’, then asked UN Security Council for recommendations. Posted status about how well Ukraine going which get lots of likes. I’m all about that grindset.
Signed cheque
My staff said important, so I sign. Seems to be many billions and addressed to Prigozhin, a common name, no relationship to any of the other events of the weekend. Signature only shaky because I am on vibrating power plate, for fitness.
Watched Glastonbury
Couldn’t be there this year. Foo Fighters surprise set okay. Alex Turner fancy himself a bit too much. Pity Lana Del Ray get cut short and felt sorry for Lewis Capaldi. Hope he takes time for self-care. Elton John favourite, but no Nikita? And where Dua Lipa? I would drag her there by force.
