NINE and a half grand to spend a year hanging out with your mates in the prime of your youth is still a good deal, students have been told.
Undergraduates have been urged to overlook the minor matter of yet another tuition fee U-turn by bastards to focus on £9,535 a year being a fair price for a year of hard partying with the possibility of higher-paid employment afterwards.
Education secretary Bridget Phillipson said: “You’re living with your mates. Your body can withstand multiple benders five nights a week. Weed dealers make house calls. Either way you slice it, this jacked-up rate’s still a bargain.
“If you’re smart and chose a BA, you’ve got a maximum eight hours of contact time a week. The rest of it’s your own to go absolutely f**king hogwild with, and believe me I did.
“When you’re in the real world, nine and a half grand can’t even get you on the property ladder. Yet here you are getting a degree and a yeast infection from some random fresher. That’s living.
“Yes, it used to be free. So did squatting in central London. But compare it to living at home and working at Domino’s and we should be charging you double, because that’s what this experience is worth.”
17-year-old Tom Booker said: “Three years of non-stop casual sex and recreational drug use and the only downside is a lifetime of crippling debt? Where do I sign?”
