International

THE Vatican has maintained its recent trend of choosing Popes who were adjacent to fascism.

The Daily Mash presents a cut-out-and-keep guide to Francis, the first Jesuit  Pope who also happens to be Argentinean.

THE large number of dead pigs found in a Shanghai river is the result of a mermaid hen party, it has emerged.

THE penguins of the Falkland Islands last night continued to play the 'long game'.

GUARDIAN readers were today in mourning for a man who would have banned the Guardian if it was in Venezuela.

A 24-YEAR-OLD swimwear model called Cassius has emerged as favourite for the Papacy.

THE MARRIED couple sent to Mars will have a falling-out when they miss the planetary turn-off, it has been claimed.

ITALY faces a stalemate over forming what it reckons is a 'government'.