International

THE neck-and-neck 2012 US election has become a battle for the vote of one apathetic car wash attendant in Ohio.

THE devastation caused by Hurricane Sandy can only be fixed with a new wave of unregulated investment banking, Mitt Romney has claimed.

THE CIA has turned its extraterrestrial things into a tourist attraction after running out of patience.

THERE has been hardly any economic activity in France since the last Serge Gainsbourg album, it has emerged.

THE escalating pop video war between North and South Korea could trigger nuclear conflict, it has been claimed.

MITT Romney has relaunched his campaign with a direct appeal to America's fundamental stupidity.

BRITAIN is at war with France and the 'Axis of Tits', as breast-based conflict threatens to engulf the planet.

PRESIDENT Barack Obama has described America as being easily one of the world's top twenty countries.