International

SYRIA'S President Assad is now realising the full value of not being friends with Tony Blair.

GREECE could be forced to set up some kind of tax system, the country's prime minster has admitted.

THE United Nations Security Council remains deadlocked over which countries are allowed to exterminate Arab civilians.

PRINCE William is to ease the growing tension with Argentina by borrowing his brother's SS uniform.

SAUDI women have been banned from using supermarket self check-outs amid fears the female voiced systems could lead to homosexuality and the extinction of virgins.

PRESIDENT Obama was condemned last night for not describing his Republican opponents as total dicks.

THE captain of the Costa Concordia abandoned his post to buzz around the deck on a Vespa sexually harassing female passengers, it has emerged.

DAVID Cameron has offered to show Argentina how to swagger around in someone else's country properly.

SCOTLAND was last night fleeing in terror after a surprise attack from the first battalion of Her Majesty's Daily Telegraph.

AMERICANS can urinate on our dead bodies as much as they feel like, the Taliban said last night.