International

MITT Romney has relaunched his campaign with a direct appeal to America's fundamental stupidity.

BRITAIN is at war with France and the 'Axis of Tits', as breast-based conflict threatens to engulf the planet.

PRESIDENT Barack Obama has described America as being easily one of the world's top twenty countries.

POLICE will attempt to lure Julian Assange from the Ecuadorian embassy using a 'trail of secrets' which the Wikileaks founder should find irresistible.

PLUCKY Wales is bidding for the 2026 Commonwealth Games, which lots of people think are just as good as the Olympics.

SUPPORTERS of the arrested Russian punks Pussy Riot have warned that the band may be forced to promote dairy products.

AUSTRALIA'S woeful medal tally is explained by its residents' disdain for any activity that emphasises the physical over the mental, it has been claimed.

ALL the major Martian cities have been successfully destroyed.

ALL clocks and timepieces stopped across Syria on July 15 at 18:07 local time, it has emerged.