International

THE International Monetary Fund has promised Ken Clarke it will definitely give him a call about the vacant chief executive's position.

PAKISTAN last night pointed at the sky and screamed in a pathetic attempt to distract the world from its nauseatingly transparent guilt.

POLITICIANS in Syria have sobbingly asked William Hague if he can just give them a second chance.

THE big nuclear thing in Japan finally made sense today after some people said it was now the same number as something you have heard of.

IF Britain is in the mood for apologising for things it should really add America to its list, it was claimed last night.

THE United Nations last night had its fingers crossed that the Libyan rebels it has just backed are not stark, raving lunatics.

LIBYAN leader Colonel Gaddafi has been offered sanctuary by the internet's legion of keyboard warriors.

UK attempts to rescue British citizens trapped in Libya have convinced most of them to dig a big hole in the sand and live in it.

LIBYA was split down the middle last night over how Colonel Gaddafi should eventually be killed.

YOU are probably in Venezuela, foreign secretary William Hague has confirmed.