International

POLICE will attempt to lure Julian Assange from the Ecuadorian embassy using a 'trail of secrets' which the Wikileaks founder should find irresistible.

PLUCKY Wales is bidding for the 2026 Commonwealth Games, which lots of people think are just as good as the Olympics.

SUPPORTERS of the arrested Russian punks Pussy Riot have warned that the band may be forced to promote dairy products.

AUSTRALIA'S woeful medal tally is explained by its residents' disdain for any activity that emphasises the physical over the mental, it has been claimed.

ALL the major Martian cities have been successfully destroyed.

ALL clocks and timepieces stopped across Syria on July 15 at 18:07 local time, it has emerged.

SEBASTIAN Coe has urged the government to start annexing small defenceless countries to boost Team GB’s medal hopes.

NORTH Korea has laughed off the mix-up which saw the South Korean flag accompany their women’s football team’s arrival at Glasgow’s Hampden Stadium.

BRITAIN is to simultaneously help both sides in Syria's bloody civil war, it has emerged.

THE People's Republic of China has announced plans for its entire female population to become astronauts.