International

MARK Zuckerberg has sacrificed himself to make Facebook work again.

SCOTTISH National Party leader Alex Salmond has accused JK Rowling of casting demonic mind-spells.

THE utterly hellish argument about what happens to Scotland still has another 100 days to go, it has been confirmed.

THE People's Republic of China has marked the 25th anniversary of everyone having a pleasant, uneventful day out in Tiananmen Square.

SCOTTISH nationalists have reacted with fury after a Met Office study found the country’s weather was really quite unpleasant.

EDINBURGH'S tram service has finally opened after 400 years of planning.

AMERICA'S 'hero cat' has admitted she would kill humans if they were small enough to fit in her mouth.

VLADIMIR Putin has compared Prince Charles to Anthea Turner because he is a ‘fragrant, middle-aged woman with no power’.

RUSSIAN President Vladimir Putin has insisted the massive military parade through Red Square today was ‘rather jolly’.

THE Ukraine and Russia are to give each other maximum points in the Eurovision song contest despite basically being at war.