International

CRIMEA'S application to join the Russian Federation has been refused because it is 'cold and boring'.

THE people of Crimea are hoping Vladimir Putin is happy with their overwhelming love for Russia.

THE Irish have been barred from St Patrick's Day celebrations worldwide because they get carried away and ruin it.

THE creator of Bitcoin has been revealed as a mere mortal who cannot dispense hearts, brains or courage.

NATIONALISM continues to be the best way of making everything better, it has been confirmed.

THE United States and Europe have warned Vladimir Putin to watch his post box for a passive-aggressive bombshell.

CALL of Duty: Modern Warfare, which involves Russian ultranationalists sparking a civil war, is happening on the world stage.

PEOPLE who accuse Vladimir Putin of being a latent homosexual may want to back off for a bit, experts have confirmed.

A BRAZENLY homosexual Winter Olympics is ongoing in the imagination of Russian president Vladimir Putin.

UKRAINIAN stereotypes are to be launched this week, say leading xenophobes.