International

ENGLISH viewers were unable to watch last night’s Scottish independence debate, including the moment Alex Salmond tried to bite Alistair Darling on the face.

EUROPE has ended the argument about whether British or German holidaymakers are the worst by confirming that they both are.

ISRAEL has reached out to Palestinians with the offer of a ceasefire lasting almost nine seconds.

NORTHERN Ireland’s marching season is to be transformed into a series of pleasant strolls.

A MASSIVE dome full of the horrible things that twats like is to be built in Dubai.

BLOW jobs are an official unit of currency in Magaluf, it has emerged.

THE USA is paying tribute to Will Smith and the heroes who fought back the alien invasion of 1996.

FLORIDA’S dolphin-pimping businesses are enjoying a record-breaking summer.

FORMER prime minister Tony Blair has submitted his CV to the newly-declared Islamic Caliphate in the Middle East.

PRIMARK has denied its clothes are made in sweatshops in a statement sewn in sequins on a cardigan made in Bangladesh.