International

ALEX Salmond has finally admitted he hates Scotland and wants the country to be independent so he can abolish it.

CORNWALL will today celebrate its new minority status with an unstoppable deluge of fresh cream.

THE Duchess of Cambridge has been taken to Australian hearts after a series of increasingly racist comments about New Zealand.

AMERICA has become a communist country following the appearance of a red moon.

WORLD leaders are considering a nuclear missile attack on Calfornia's Coachella festival.

SWEDISH ministers have announced a six-hour working day as part of plans to make their country more stereotypical.

RUSSIA is to open a limited-term 'pop-up' government in the Ukraine to test consumer demand.

POPE Francis tried to bottle the Queen yesterday after a comment about Henry VIII sparked a fight.

PRESIDENT Obama has announced sanctions against Russia which include a ban on the season finale of True Detective.

THOUSANDS of Russian troops camped on the Ukrainian border have claimed to be looking for the spotted Baltic woodpecker.