International

A MASS grave beneath Paris contains the bones of foreigners who starved while attempting to summon a waiter, it has emerged.

BRITAIN is recoiling from news that 'Jihadi John' was, from the age of six to 18, a child who attended school.

PSYCHOTIC terrorist ‘Jihadi John’ is hoping ISIS does not have strict rules about maintaining anonymity.

GREECE is to establish a system that collects money from its citizens.

RESEARCHERS have discovered huge craters in Siberia that would be perfect for a rave.

GREEK finance minister Yanis Varoufakis has expressed astonishment that the EU is still asking for money his country gave back in the pub weeks ago.

IT IS the coming crisis that absolutely nobody, from the innumerate man in the street to the technocrats leading the EU, understands or has any idea how to stop.

UKRAINE is to be detached from the earth and floated 6,000m above sea level so Russia will not be tempted to invade.

A LOYAL iPhone charger has crossed a continent to be reunited with its owner.

EU CHIEFS have ordered Greece to give up its sunny climate, sandy beaches and general pleasantness.