International

NONE of the European leaders visited on David Cameron’s whistle-stop tour of Europe are letting him use the toilet.

OSAMA bin Laden was convinced that the CIA were responsible for the 9/11 attacks despite planning them himself, it has emerged.

GEORGE Galloway has blocked Barack Obama on Twitter.

SCOTLAND has agreed to repurpose Northern Britain as a new south for them to look down on.

THE last of the renegade Nazis living in a self-sufficient lunar colony has died, aged 95.

SCOTLAND has somehow managed to become even more unusual.

THE Scottish National Party is to develop its own flag and a special salute for party members.

A PETITION to stop Glasgow being razed to the ground has reached 30 signatures and is hoping to hit 50 by the weekend.

THE Turin Shroud has been updated to reflect that Jesus would have worn mid-priced sportswear if he were alive today.

US PRESIDENTIAL candidate Hilary Clinton is to use nineties Alanis Morrisette song You Oughta Know as her campaign anthem.