International

THE prime minister has promised that cannabis will still be illegal in Britain decades after everyone else has given in.

THE commission on new powers for Scotland has unveiled a camel with nine legs, seven humps and 13 buttocks.

A GROUP of people kept in isolation for the last six months has guessed exactly why there are riots in the US town of Ferguson.

THE Russian hackers who broke into 500 UK webcams are transfixed by the sheer lack of event in British lives.

SCOTLAND has had quite enough of inconvenient reality, it has been confirmed.

VLADIMIR Putin giggled flirtatiously and batted his eyelashes when compared to Hitler, according to onlookers.

The EU had told Britain that it will install a pre-payment meter for all European services if our £1.7 billion bill is not paid in full.

BARACK Obama is to devote the pointless remainder of his presidency to being deliberately antagonistic.

SCOTLAND has blamed England for being bad at the one thing it is supposed to be good at it.

POPE Francis has admitted he is improvising, all the time.