Barack Obama is President of the United States

BARACK Obama is president of the world’s most powerful country, it has been confirmed.

The first African-American to be elected to the office, Obama’s presidency is seen as a sign that America is a more mature and advanced democracy than ever before.

Democrat Senator Tom Booker said: “With so many countries led by arrogant, corrupt demagogues who have swept to power on a tide of rabble-rousing ignorance, it’s such a relief that today, in 2017, we have Obama.

“He speaks with such authority.”

Voter Donna Sheridan said: “I like Obama because he has sensible-sized hands which he keeps to himself when he’s around women.

“I’m so glad he’s our president, it’s great.”

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Britons flown back from Gambia to their marginally more stable home country

BRITONS are being flown home from a Gambia teetering on the edge of war to Britain, which is marginally more stable for the time being.

Gambian president Yahya Jammer has declared a state of emergency to avoid handing over power after losing an election, events which are not expected to take place in Britain for another 18 months.

Holidaymaker Norman Steele said: “I arrived a week ago and found a country divided in two, each regarding the other as sworn enemies with no legitimate claim to government, so it was a proper home from home.

“But recently, amid lovely, familiar press insistence that democratic institutions should bend to the will of a ‘people’ they claim to represent, I did notice things becoming just a little bit worse than in Colchester.

“So we’ve reluctantly agreed to fly back, but we’re holding onto our Gambian dalasis because it’ll be useful to have a hard currency available.”

Thomas Cook has confirmed that it will continue to monitor the situation in the UK and will keep aircraft on standby to evacuate citizens to the Gambia if necessary.

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