Health

A WOMAN who is really happy to ‘go with the flow’ also won’t eat anything without first thoroughly inspecting the ingredients list.

EVANGELISTS for the wonders of coffee have become even more intolerable after scientists confirmed it is good for your health.

A MOTHER has streamlined her wine consumption by feeding it directly into her bloodstream.

A MAN has noticed that everything in his shopping basket is cheese, has cheese on it or will have cheese somehow added to it.

A MAN who has taken up boxing so he can tell people he is a boxer admitted he is basically paying money to get punched in the face.

ANYONE who claims they only need four hours sleep a night is a lying tired bastard, it has been confirmed.

PLANS to ask patients about their sexuality mean doctors’ surgeries will become debauched sex clubs full of perverts, old people believe.

A BABY girl has confirmed that 'self-soothing' as a way to get her to settle at night is a load of  bollocks.

CHILDHOOD obesity is not as serious an issue as all the knobheads droning about how it proves Britain has gone to the dogs, experts believe.

A HUNCHED, shuffling red-nosed man sitting alone in Wetherspoons at 9.45am staring at a half-drunk pint is under 30, it has emerged.