Health

THE government has told people to watch BBC soap Doctors before calling their GP just in case the show includes a storyline about their condition.

A WOMAN who believes in calling out prejudice in any situation decided not to say anything to the bigoted beauty therapist removing her pubic hair.

THE Conservatives have perfected a new, vote-winning policy that everyone must have porridge for breakfast.

SMOKERS have reclaimed their rightful ownership of all outdoor territory surrounding pubs following a drop in temperature.

A 31 YEAR-OLD man has been left with post-traumatic stress disorder after accidentally joining female colleagues in a conversation about Mooncups.

A COUPLE who claim to only to have the occasional cigarette with a glass of wine appear to be drinking six nights a week, friends have noticed.

DOCTORS have been ordered to refer obese patients to cookery classes by a horrendously patronising posh arsehole in government somewhere.

WOMEN lose interest in sex during long-term relationships because the whole thing is just silly, a survey has found.

A MIDDLE-AGED former raver can no longer cope with the physical and psychological effects of a can of Red Bull, he has admitted.

A PATIENT surrounded by a junior doctor and a crowd of eager young medical students has been told to 'just relax'.