Health

VEGANS have repeated their claim that they have their own type of cheese.

THE UK has told the Conservatives that they could halve drug use at a stroke by going away and never coming back.

CHEESE is so good that if it were possible to cook it with a blowtorch and inhale it deeply into the lungs it would definitely be worth it, Britain has agreed.

A MAN who adopted a ‘clean living’ lifestyle is now getting 'high' on being incredibly sanctimonious.

A MAN who spent his youth taking ecstasy is finding it impossible to reach the same levels of bliss by going to the gym, he has confirmed.

A MAN has stopped working out after realising no-one gives a tuppenny toss about how long he spends at the gym.

A PREGNANT woman complimented for her healthy glow is actually sweating cobs and exhausted, she has confirmed.

THE milk we buy in supermarkets is straight from the tits of a cow, it has been claimed.

THE first sizzling hot chip on a plate has been eaten within seconds of arriving at the table, ruining the rest of the meal.

A MAN has confirmed that Pot Noodles are manky and he will not stop eating them.