Health

CONTAMINATED eggs will replace your entire head with the smooth, featureless ellipse of an egg, scientists have warned.

NORTHERN men are dying younger to avoid three decades of light-hearted tomfoolery around the Yorkshire Dales.

CUTS to NHS maternity services mean that women in labour will now simply be offered a stick to bite.

A FAMILY that refuses all vaccinations has a natural immunity to science and facts, it has emerged.

A NORTHERN man has returned from a trip to the Cotswolds and confirmed that the Sainsbury’s there has unusual vegetables.

PATIENTS do not have to finish courses of antibiotics if they feel better but that is not the same as wanting to get hammered, doctors have warned.

THE middle classes have confirmed that they do not eat takeaways, even when buying food at an establishment and removing it to consume elsewhere.

OLIVES are just normal grapes that have become evil, researchers have found.

VEGANS have repeated their claim that they have their own type of cheese.

THE UK has told the Conservatives that they could halve drug use at a stroke by going away and never coming back.