Health

STUDENT nurses are to be recruited from the society pages of Tatler after the withdrawal of bursaries.

JEREMY Hunt will remain as Health Secretary because the prime minister is a misanthropic lunatic, it has been confirmed.

THE UK has announced that its immediate plan for cushioning the economic and social shockwaves of Brexit involves gin, wine and lager. 

NOT completely finishing the alcohol you were drinking proves you do not have a drink problem, Britons believe.

IT WILL soon be dark in the evenings again, according to Britain’s grandmothers.

ONCE you are over 35 hangovers become a bleak psychological prison of paranoia and depression, it has been confirmed.

A MAN is really feeling the benefits of his exercise regime when he is not recovering from agonising injuries, he has announced.

BEING an idiot is the most effective method for avoiding anxiety, research has found.

A SMOKER has expressed concern after finding a hair in rolling tobacco that already contained embalming fluid.

PARENTS have reacted to school summer holidays being cut to five weeks with an outpouring of feigned sympathy.