Health

A MAN has bought some sandalwood-scented joss sticks, according to concerned onlookers.

THE NHS will be an illegal underground network of flooded black-market hospitals manned by sinister masked surgeons by 2020, it has emerged.

A MAN’S third pint explained in a friendly but firm voice that he would be staying out for the rest of the evening, it has emerged.

A PLATEFUL of shrubbery tastes nicer than the ‘superfood’ kale, according to people who eat a large amount of kale.

EVERYONE in Britain is secretly drinking 15-20 cans of cheap, unbranded energy drinks a day, it has been confirmed.

AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD watching his mother give birth would rather be at the zoo, it has emerged.

GLUTEN is the magic ingredient that makes everything from bread to biscuits taste delicious, research has confirmed.

A FATHER-TO-BE would love to share the highs and lows of pregnancy by being pregnant for a whole week, he has revealed.

BRITISH air travellers will accept any regulation that stops them drinking full pints in airport bars at 6am, they have confirmed.

UNHEALTHY office staff have been advised to get out of their chairs and run from their workplace, never to return.