Health

THE government has admitted it has not put track-and-trace systems in place because they sound too much like hard work. 

DO you believe coronavirus is part of some impossibly complicated conspiracy? Take our test and find out if your brains have fallen out.

EPIDEMICS and pandemics are nothing new, though Britain knows nothing about them because the only history it’s interested in is the bit with Hitler. Useful facts:

RURAL people have a long tradition of hating outsiders regardless of coronavirus, they have explained.

THE government claims ‘staying alert’ will protect us from coronavirus, even though it’s clearly bollocks. Here are some more things the vacuous new slogan won’t protect you from.

TEACHERS will get to be pandemic heroes by risking death for salaries which do not in any way reflect that.

PHOTOS of Londoners cramming onto tube trains are sickening me, a man who lives and works in a small cathedral city three hours’ drive away. 

THE relaxation of lockdown has many Britons asking questions just to be argumentative and cause trouble. I’ll grudgingly answer a few here.

A MAN is watching out for objects 400 times smaller than can be seen with the naked eye so as not to catch coronavirus.

WITH a clear, common sense exit plan in place, things will gradually get back to normal. Right?