Health

NOBODY gives a shit about the fitness regime you are doing at home and they never will, it has emerged.

GOOD morning, I’m the supply prime minister and today I’m going to show you how to make your own personal protective equipment at home. 

NHS employees have been asked if they would prefer a badge, a medal or a pay cut as punishment for not wanting a badge or a medal.

A BORED man has officially read enough about coronavirus to name himself a top epidemiologist, he has confirmed.

A MAN who has just read that ‘eye pain’ can be a symptom of coronavirus is beginning to feel the first twinges of eye pain.

GOVERNMENT guidelines allow Britons under lockdown to leave the house to exercise. How can you pack every minute with high-fibre wankerishness?

HAVE you chosen to sit out the coronavirus crisis at your parents’ house? Here’s how to prevent their annoying habits driving you up the f**king wall.

A GROWING number of unbearable arseholes believe that the pandemic devastating the world is ‘here to help us learn something about ourselves’.

COUGHS, unwashed hands, and sharing enclosed spaces with other people all spread the coronavirus. These things obviously don’t.

RAW, chapped hands are now the only hands Britons can bear to have touch them, they have confirmed.