Health

MAINTAINING a healthy set of teeth is a painful lifelong struggle that will leave you massively out-of-pocket, it has emerged.

TWO friends who arranged a socially-distanced meet up in the park have been having problems recognising each other due to their overweight, unkempt appearances.

IT’S summer and the perfect time to head out to one of Britain’s much-loved COVID-19 hotspots to up your viral load. But where will you go?

WITH so many confusing rules flying around it’s hard to know what you’re allowed to do anymore, so which obvious lapses in judgement are you pinnng on the pandemic?

THE government has admitted it has not put track-and-trace systems in place because they sound too much like hard work. 

DO you believe coronavirus is part of some impossibly complicated conspiracy? Take our test and find out if your brains have fallen out.

EPIDEMICS and pandemics are nothing new, though Britain knows nothing about them because the only history it’s interested in is the bit with Hitler. Useful facts:

RURAL people have a long tradition of hating outsiders regardless of coronavirus, they have explained.

THE government claims ‘staying alert’ will protect us from coronavirus, even though it’s clearly bollocks. Here are some more things the vacuous new slogan won’t protect you from.

TEACHERS will get to be pandemic heroes by risking death for salaries which do not in any way reflect that.