Health

SCHOOLS in England are to remain open for a crucial few days to enable fast and efficient Covid transmission, the government has confirmed.

A WOMAN only bothers her GP when the symptoms she has Googled are life-threatening, she has confirmed.

HELLO, we’re the government and this is what you should be doing over Christmas 2020.

THE residents of a Berkshire town are blaming the dirty bastards in their rival town for the restrictions placed on them.

NORTHERNERS have confirmed that they do not find London and the South-East’s tier 4 lockdown as Kent becomes a lorry park in any way amusing.

DESPITE a grim year of lockdown and restrictions, some people seem determined to carry on completely as normal. Check you’re not one of these tossers.

CONFUSED that an alteration of Covid rules is the same as the government cancelling Christmas, like the Puritans?

SUPERHERO fans has theorised that the new mutant Covid could be protecting us even though hated and feared by humanity, like the X-Men.

THE over-80s are celebrating receiving the Covid vaccine by going straight to a metal gig, drinking eight pints and hitting the moshpit.

HAD enough? Can’t be bothered anymore? Here are the astonishing health benefits of no longer trying.