Health

THE government will lift all obligations to observe red lights or wear seat belts as of Monday, no matter the consequences.

A CORNISHMAN with no reason to visit London anytime soon has angrily refused to wear a face mask on the capital’s underground, he has stated.

A MAN who believes the science does not support abandoning Covid restructions from Monday has plans every night next week.

AN anti-mask activist is racking his brains for ways to make a prick of himself when the rules on face coverings change, he has confirmed.

STAYING healthy is wise long-term, but wellness trends suck the enjoyment from life. Don't get sucked in by the following bullshit.

A MAN who has discovered a positive test on the side of the bathroom sink is really hoping it is for Covid-19.

DO YOU drag yourself to the twatting gym only to find it’s full of twats using all the twatting equipment? Use our comprehensive spotters’ guide to gym wankers.

A MIDDLE aged man who received his second jab yesterday has demanded all lockdown restrictions end immediately.

IF THE over-40s were honest about how technology has transformed the world, they’d say ‘you can get porn now.’ Back in their younger years, these had to suffice.

THE government has moved Freedom Day back by four weeks after hearing a further delay could shut down Britain’s nightclubs forever.