Health

TORY MPs have written to the PM demanding a swift end to lockdown. Here weird backbencher Denys Finch Hatton explains how we should be throwing caution to the wind.

DOCTORS ask a lot of difficult questions that make you feel like a chubby, ailing waster. Here’s how to lie your way to health.

RESTRUCTURING the NHS is a vast, intricate project that only Matt Hancock’s mates on WhatsApp are capable of pulling off. Here they reveal their plans.

A MUTATION of Covid-19 from Bristol has a second job playing records badly during the evening and at weekends, it has been confirmed.

GREETINGS, brave adventurer! Can you succeed in our most challenging interactive fantasy yet – getting vaccinated before you’re exposed to Covid?

GOOD day. I regret that anyone planning an elaborate summer holiday, intricate and impenetrable as the Gordian knot, should cancel it. Let me explain what’s advisable.

STEPPED on the bathroom scales, then managed to glimpse their evil numbers over your gut? Here’s what to do next.

IT'S easy to scream about the agony of pushing a human through a small orifice, but according to lifelong man Tom Logan it’s nothing compared to what men suffer. He explains:

THE chancellor is concerned that Britain, where 9,000 lives are lost to Covid each week, is foolishly delaying economic recovery by concentrating on the virus. 

NO one was able to predict that the Covid virus would mutate, apart from epidemiologists and primary school children. Here are some other blatantly obvious things I cannot predict.