Health

A CONFUSED public is pretty sure sticking a six-inch swab up their nose twice a week was not originally included in Boris Johnson’s roadmap.

BORIS Johnson has denied any decision has been made on vaccine passports, which means they are a nailed-on certainty. But where will they allow you to go? 

A F**KWIT believes that the first hesitant steps of easing Covid restrictions today means the virus is gone for good.

WANT to briefly kid yourself that you’re trying to get in shape? Here are five exercises you won’t be arsed with for more than a week.

NEED to get your elderly father out of your immediate vicinity? Try out these phrases and watch him instantly remember something he needed from the kitchen.

THE UK has agreed that since it is almost April, the sun is out and the Welsh can get haircuts then it must be legal to do stuff again.

WANT to celebrate a year of lockdown by strutting down the Asda aisles like John Travolta doing a Liam Gallagher impression?

ONE year to the day since the government locked down the UK, here’s how to mark the occasion without lifting a finger.

CHILDREN who have only been back at school for two f**king weeks are already off sick, their parents have confirmed.

A GROWN woman in her late 40s is scared stiff that her mother will find out she smokes.