STAYING healthy is wise long-term, but wellness trends suck the enjoyment from life. Don’t get sucked in by the following bullshit:
Going sugar-free is good
Yes, we know sugar is bad for us, but we also know what consuming a Gü chocolate souffle whilst slumped on the sofa makes a bad day better. Smoking and drinking have already been taken from us, so if we aren’t allowed sugar we may as well just pack in human civilisation right now.
Superfoods are real
Every couple of years dozens of articles will claim some item – usually an obscure berry – has been deemed a ‘superfood’ by scientists. Suddenly, everybody will start clamouring to get them, as if a kumquat was the key to immortality and not just something that makes your porridge taste vile.
Fasting is fun
People who bang on about fasting claim it’s closer to the diets our hunter-gathering ancestors would’ve had, and thus more natural. However, hunter-gatherers wouldn’t have had 9-to-5 jobs in marketing, Brompton bikes, TED talks on hemp, or any of the other things these people are usually into, so they are ultimately talking shite.
Cold showers are enjoyable
Getting out of bed for work in the morning is a miserable enough experience without sending your body into cold water shock. While science has proved that regular immersion in chilly water has genuine health benefits, including the prevention of dementia, an old age full of clarity and memories isn’t worth freezing your bollocks off for every morning.
Vaginal steaming is a good idea
Future generations will look back and wonder how Gwyneth Paltrow, an already successful actor, evolved into fronting a company that traded exclusively in advising women to do medically unsound things to their genitals. A vagina is not some vegetables, or a cotton shirt, and steaming it will not get it clean or wrinkle-free.
