Health

THE summer holidays are over and children aged between four and 16 are enjoying their first day back at the frontline of a pandemic.

A PROMINENT Covid-denier has fallen ill after contracting a virus – and you won't believe which one!

KEEN to double down on your mental vaccination theories while reality seems intent on proving them wrong? Try these gambits.

A MORON who was uninterested in getting the Covid vaccine to protect himself and others has had a change of heart after being offered a free double cheeseburger. 

THE double-vaccinated will soon be allowed to attend gigs, go to nightclubs, travel abroad and put their rubbish in your wheelie bin. What else?

A 31-YEAR-OLD pinged after playing Warhammer in the Warhammer shop has told everyone he actually visited a cool new nightclub.

TENS of thousands of minimum-wage food industry employees have been fortunate enough to be told they can work through Covid. 

MILLIONS of Britons have carefully weighed the pros and cons of wearing masks and decided ‘F**k it, if we don’t have to, let’s not’.

A MIDDLE-CLASS boy who was not wearing enough sunscreen of a high-enough factor spontaneously combusted yesterday.

WITH nightclubs across England reopening their doors to the public, everyone over 21 has remembered how awful they are.