Health

DO YOU drag yourself to the twatting gym only to find it’s full of twats using all the twatting equipment? Use our comprehensive spotters’ guide to gym wankers.

A MIDDLE aged man who received his second jab yesterday has demanded all lockdown restrictions end immediately.

IF THE over-40s were honest about how technology has transformed the world, they’d say ‘you can get porn now.’ Back in their younger years, these had to suffice.

THE government has moved Freedom Day back by four weeks after hearing a further delay could shut down Britain’s nightclubs forever.

IS A teenager you know thinking of doing drugs? Make sure they know all these terrifying, entirely bogus true stories.

BRITISH holidaymakers in Portugal are filthy virus-spreaders who must quarantine for ten days as of… now, the government has confirmed.

THE upcoming third wave of Covid is expected to wrap up all the loose ends and bring the trilogy to a fitting close, fans believe.

ANYONE 30 and over invited to be vaccinated has been told they are still not getting affordable housing, free higher education or stable jobs.

THE government has told Britons they are now free to hug, mix indoors and drink inside pubs, and warned them not to.

Despite being a mainstay on UK high streets, a man is still not sure what a Holland & Barrett actually is.