Health

THE National Health Service is now little more than a front for illegal boxing matches between frail pensioners, according to a new report.

THE NHS is to improve its performance in getting fat people to hospital by deploying long trails of Wotsits.

HEARTBROKEN sort-of-health service the NHS has admitted that the Tories have been knocking it about again.

BRITAIN has launched its annual health kick with a pledge to keep it going until Friday.

HERBAL remedy Echinacea is infallible when used against malevolent wraiths trapped between this world and the next, according to new research.

THE government is to press ahead with massive changes to the NHS because this time it is obviously going to work.

BRITAIN is set to become a nation of sponge eaters after reading the first two paragraphs of a story about cancer.

BEATING cancer involves less chatty and more cooky, according to new research.

PUB chain Wetherspoons is to open outlets in accident and emergency departments for injured brawlers who want another drink.

THE National Health Service is now mainly employed as a device for extracting fat from chocoholics, experts have claimed.