WOMAN are being pressurised into emulating unrealistic levels of
brainless folly, according to a new
report.
Research by the Institute for Studies found that female celebrity role models like Katie Price, Paris Hilton and the triple-headed tit hydra that is the Kardashian sisters possessed a level of dim-wittedness which is unattainable for most women.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “They’re asking themselves questions like ‘Am I stupid enough?’, ‘Can I ever fully exclude thoughts unrelated to sex and social status from my mind?’ and ‘Will I ever be just a dead-eyed, Ronsealed-looking host organism for pretend boobs?’.
“Of course the answer is invariably ‘no’ and this is where neurosis begins.”
He added: “We live in an age where everything wants to be stupid, but it’s important to remember that there is more to life. Like, for example, being rich.
“Women must learn to be happy with their own personal stupidity – and perhaps set personal thickness goals, for example convincing themselves of one idiotic thing every day such as that kangaroos are a type of dog.”
Teacher Emma Bradford said: “However hard I try and whatever products I use, I cannot make my brain the same as Khloe Kardashian’s and that upsets me.
“It seems that however hard I try I am stuck with a level of intellect somewhat above the Heat magazine ideal.
“Sometimes, in a fit of self-loathing, I go and gorge myself on a book.”
