FEELING impotent, sad and powerless is normal for Britons, but nonetheless it hurts to see American voters elect a convict and aspiring dictator. This is what you’ll go through:
Stage one: denial
Maybe it didn’t happen! Maybe Russia influenced the vote again, or there was some irregularity with voting machines, or a slate of alternative electors coupled with a righteous mob could be persuaded to overturn the result in January. Wait, this seems familiar. And not good.
Stage two: anger
Rage floods through you as you realise the impact this will have on Ukraine, on climate change, on Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part Two. Why did we allow the most powerful man on Earth to be chosen by whooping rednecks? This isn’t a eccentric Central Asian dictatorship, there are nukes involved. Your face is soon as red as a MAGA hat.
Stage three: bargaining
Perhaps it won’t be so bad this time you reason, a verb never applied to Trump himself. Perhaps his obvious lack of mental function will soften him. Perhaps he’ll happily while away four years discussing the penis sizes of elite golfers. Perhaps he really does want to protect women, though the ‘whether they like it or not’ bit seems ominous.
Stage four: depression
The foreign secretary is already posting arse-licking tweets. Trump has already claimed the best selling book in America is by his current wife. Is that even true? Is anything true? Does any of it matter? Are you being a melodramatic arsehole when nobody else in your office even cares? When is it okay to start drinking?
Stage five: acceptance
There’s nothing you can do. You don’t live there. You don’t even watch any current US sitcoms. The world’s most powerful nation and the international order rest in the tiny hands of a man incapable of holding a thought, but it’s not your problem and if you wait for a bit he’ll go away. Probably. Eventually, anyway. Anyway, shame not to get pissed now you’ve got the booze in.
