A MAN who is simultaneously sweating, weeping, gasping from exertion and emitting smoke claims he is thoroughly enjoying his meal.
Stephen Malley ordered the hottest curry on the restaurant’s menu to prove he is not intimidated by other cultures, and is consuming the dish fearlessly while looking liable to detonate at any moment.
Friend Tom Booker said: “The waiter explained he was legally obliged to warn us of the strength of Naga chillies which Steve lapped up, explaining he’s had both types of chilli, both red and green.
“He cleared two pints of Stella before it arrived and has continued to drink throughout, against all advice, while scooping curry in between desperate gasps. Meanwhile I had a lovely tarka dahl.”
Malley said: “I like a hot curry. It does turn my skin bright red, makes me perspire heavily from my bald spot, and I’ll smell strongly of spices for the next 72 hours, but all that just makes the meal memorable.
“Yes, currently I can’t feel my teeth or tongue, sweat keeps dripping off my nose and the white-hot hiccups have begun – no, they’re not convulsions, I’m fine – but this is bloody lovely. Lots of subtle notes, or there were when I still had taste buds.
“Can someone reassure the waiter that I’m only taking a quick breather, not finished? I’d tell him myself only I’m blind.”
