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Northern pub's 'vegetarian sharing platter' just chips

A VEGETARIAN sharing platter offered by a pub in Huddersfield consists entirely of chips, it has emerged. 

Stephen and Lucy Malley, who were visiting the area from London, were dismayed to discover that the only meat-free option on the menu at the Kings Arms was 100 percent potato-based.

Stephen Malley said: “We’re not your typical fussy Southern types who expect something fancy – just some simple quinoa and chickpea fritters or kale tempura would have done.

“But when they brought out a heap of chips the size of a Jack Russell, we couldn’t believe our eyes. We could only stomach about seven each before we’d hit our carb limit for the day.

“It was must have been some kind of sick, Northern joke at our expense. They weren’t even sweet potato fries, for God’s sake!”

Landlord Bill McKay said: “I offered them a pickled egg in a bag of crisps and explained it was a Huddersfield delicacy, but they looked at me like I was mad.

“It’s the same the whole world over. If you’re not open-minded enough to step outside your comfort zone and sample the local cuisine, then you’re going to end up with chips.”

15 classic novels you're never going to read so here's the gist of them

THERE’S so much great literature out there that you’re never going to be arsed to read. Here’s the gist of 15 classic books so you can pretend you have:

To Kill a Mockingbird

Harrowing tale of a Deep South rape trial and the racism surrounding it. If you didn’t read it in GCSE English you aren’t going to pick it up now. Just remember the name Atticus Finch for a pub quiz question some day.

Frankenstein

A gothic masterpiece. Appear as if you’ve read it by telling anyone who’ll listen that Frankenstein is the name of the doctor, not the monster.

One Hundred Years of Solitude

An epic novel charting the story of seven generations of Colombian family the Buendías. The title is what you’d need in order to get more than about halfway through.

Nineteen Eighty-Four

A dystopian tale of mass surveillance featuring the ominous Big Brother. Don’t get it confused with the TV show you got obsessed with when Alison Hammond was on it or you’ll look really thick.

The Great Gatsby

Mysterious millionaire hosts a bunch of fancy, art deco parties. Probably about the American Dream. Just watch the film, it’s got that Leonardo-DiCaprio-raising-a-champagne-glass meme that you love in it.

Wuthering Heights

Your entire knowledge of this book comes from the Kate Bush song. And that’s fine, she summarises the story better than SparkNotes.

Don Quixote

Mad Spaniard heads off to become a chivalrous knight and tries to have a scrap with a windmill. Sounds fun but is really f**king long.

Ulysses

Stream of consciousness epic by James Joyce that follows Leopold Bloom around Dublin. No one has ever finished it so don’t worry about having to discuss the finer details.

The Catcher in the Rye

Dickish teenager thinks he’s special.

Pride and Prejudice

Rude posh bloke turns out nice in the end. If you know the plot of Bridget Jones’ Diary, you’ll be fine.

Game of Thrones

Tits. Dragons. Murder. Tits.

Moby Dick

The mad quest of Captain Ahab to kill the white whale that took his leg. He fails and the whale kills him. The end.

Lolita

Nasty old pervert becomes obsessed with 12-year-old girl. Don’t read it on the bus or you’ll get a reputation as a wrong ‘un.

War and Peace

Tolstoy’s literary epic about the Russian aristocracy at the time of the French invasion. Watch the recent BBC adaptation instead, there’s way more sex.

Oliver Twist

Vulnerable little orphan boy is exploited by a gang of thieves. Not as good without the songs.

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