THE big twist in the new Indiana Jones film is that Jones himself is the ancient relic possessed of mystical power that everyone is hunting.
Harrison Ford and Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who has done nothing since f**king Fleabag and comes back with this, believe they are being chased for the Dial of Destiny before finding out that Indy was the object of their enemies’ pursuit all along.
Reviewer Helen Archer said: “It’s quite the third act rug-pull, but it makes perfect sense of him being so very, very old.
“The Dial of Destiny itself – an old-fashioned rotary phone only Indy knows how to use – is a red herring. The real mystery is how an 80-year-old can remain ambulatory.
“They track him down, throw the useless Dial away, strip him to the waist and demand he tell them how he’s still having these amazing adventures.
“He opens his mouth and a howling black void, representing Hollywood’s soulless vacuum of originality and creativity and terror of movies not based on already-existing franchises, melts all their faces.
“Then Indy’s loaded into a crate and put on a shelf in a warehouse with all Disney’s other intellectual property to gather dust. I give it two stars. It would have been three but I deducted one for Waller-Bridge being so punchably posh.”
