Environment

UNSIGHTLY wind turbines have attacked a school near Swindon, leaving a trail of dismembered corpses in their wake.

CRABS are capable of verbalising obscenities, it has emerged.

MODERN children are simply too fat to lift, according to eagles.

IT'S going to start raining men for the first time in history, according to 70s disco meteorologists.

HOUSEHOLDERS in the South West are barricading themselves into their waterlogged homes to avoid being patronised.

THERE is a reasonable chance Britain will still have electricity in two year's time, according to the government's long-awaited energy bill.

MAGELLANIC penguins, supposedly nature's most loyal animals, have a whorehouse on their migration route.

A WORLD in which bananas are the main thing sounds absolutely brilliant, it has been agreed.