Environment
Sweatiness out of control
BRITONS are sweating like pigs as the weather refuses to make up its mind.
Spring thinks it's too late to start now
SPRING will bypass the UK this year after deciding that to arrive so late would be unbearably awkward.
Will snow lead to better crime dramas?
FREEZING Britons expect the newly-Arctic UK to lead to a spate of compelling crime-based television.
Even little kids want snow to f*ck off now
EVEN small children have run out of patience with the snow, it has been confirmed.
Humanity virus almost cured, says planet
PLANET Earth is celebrating after a major breakthrough in its battle against the deadly humanity virus.
Lambs disillusioned
MANY of this year's lambs are being born jaded.