Environment

A CURVACEOUS lady crab has been photographed soaking up the sun on Brighton beach.

IT'S SUMMER, the sun is blazing down, and it's nice and hot. Or is it too hot? Take our test to find out.

A MAN has postponed putting his rubbish out once again by ramming down the contents of his kitchen bin and then lying about it.

THE divide between Britain being ridiculously, painfully hot and absolutely fucking freezing is starker than ever, meteorologists have confirmed.

EVERYTHING in the UK now has some glitter on it because of Glastonbury, it has been confirmed.

AS SUMMER in Britain comes to an end, experts confirmed the four days of consecutive sunshine was a new record.

A MAN has awoken on his sofa with the front and back doors propped open and a formerly frozen bag of sweetcorn on his head.

THE UK would embrace common ownership of the means of production if it meant decent air-conditioning.

BRITAIN is throwing itself into murky ponds and wearing bright yellow shorts just because it is hotter than normal, it has emerged.

BRITAIN has confirmed it is panting like a dog and that hot weather is stupid and wrong.