Environment

BRITAIN is throwing itself into murky ponds and wearing bright yellow shorts just because it is hotter than normal, it has emerged.

BRITAIN has confirmed it is panting like a dog and that hot weather is stupid and wrong.

DONALD Trump has pulled the US out of the liberal consensus of having a ‘2’ at the beginning of the year.

DONALD Trump is to pull out of the Paris climate accords after visiting Paris and judging the weather to be perfectly lovely.

A DOG has been left confused after the concept of dignity was explained to him.

BRITAIN enjoyed a full minute of optimum sunshine this morning before everyone started moaning about the heat.

TORY fears of a brutal fox insurgency are growing  after one of them was spotted trying to ride a horse.

A GROUP of middle-class ‘urban foragers’ were forced to use a supermarket to acquire food that was actually edible, it has emerged.

A COUPLE are claiming that their furniture is placed based on Chinese principles of harmonious living, not where the plug sockets are.

A FAMILY have spent the holidays giving their National Trust cards an absolute f**king hammering.