Celebrity

THE theme of the Queen's Christmas message is how much mental shit has happened lately, it has been revealed.

ERIC Bristow would go on a deadly darts rampage if he was threatened by abusers, he has announced.

THE QUEEN will invite Donald Trump to Buckingham Palace to show him how to do gaudy interior design properly.

THE Queen has promised that everyone can spend a weekend at Buckingham Palace once the renovations are done.

PRINCE Harry has asked the world’s media if he could just have one relationship that is not immediately ruined by bastard journalists.

A SMARTLY-DRESSED man at a posh dinner party may well be Tim Farron, fellow guests have realised.

JAMIE Oliver has wearily dumped yet another book of recipes, photographs and shit onto the market.

THE SUN has confirmed that if the Queen dares breathe one compassionate word about immigrants she is fucking gone.

JULIAN Assange’s weird dreams are controlling our reality.

DAVID Cameron has become a barista in an independent coffee shop until he gets his ‘head space’ together.