Celebrity

THE Duchess of Sussex has confirmed that the entire jamboree involving her father-in-law was over before she was out of bed.

WHO better to help with your Coronation celebrations than Princess Diana, Queen of Hearts? Here are some tips from the former Royal everyone would much rather be watching on Saturday.

TO humanise his image in the week of his coronation, King Charles has released details of his best six shags ever. Here he respectfully reveals how they were gagging for it.

THE public has advised the Royal family that with four days still to go until the Coronation they still have time to pick someone more suitable.

BACK in the pre-Swiftian epoch these celebrities were unimaginably relatable, not that today’s Zoomers would believe it.

IS this the day the Coronation happens, or is it going to drag on even f**king longer?

THE Prince of Wales accepted a cash sum and assurances that his wife would always be ‘the fairest of them all’ in return for dropping legal action, it has emerged.

LOW-TIER celebrities do not cease to exist when they vanish from our screens. Occasionally you wonder what these ones are up to.

THE UK is standing petrified, transfixed by an onrushing tidal wave of Coronation bullshit which will soon drown us all.

CONSIDERING sleeping with a married man whose wife doesn’t understand him? Girlfriends warning you it won’t work out? Look who’s Queen now, bitches.