THE prime minister has affirmed his commitment to locking ‘em up is matched by his commitment to letting ‘em out early. Who do you want to see released? 

Norman Steele, lamprey farmer: “He should let out anyone who hasn’t done it, like Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption. Honestly they shouldn’t even be in prison.”

Lucinda Parry, pensioner: “Ah. Now this is awkward because I correspond with a murderer I’m engaged to, but I really think the relationship will lose its magic if he’s not inside.”

Josh Gardner, student: “I want to see everyone convicted of smoking herb freed because that’s not a crime. What? That’s only 12 people? Oh.”

Eleanor Shaw, jewellery designer: “But surely prisons are like holiday camps, with PlayStations 5s and free marijuana. Are they not reluctant to leave?”

Hannah Tomlinson, flautist: “I notice it’s only men’s prison that’s doing early release. F**king patriarchy. “