Business

Funky CV makes applicant stand out as tiresome little shit

HAVING an innovative multimedia CV makes you stand out from the pack as a particularly tedious person, according to employers.

Levi Roots launches Post-Punk Post-Punk Sauce

DRAGONS’ Den entrepreneur Levi Roots has announced a new condiment inspired by obscure early 80s experimental rock music.

Cows to get minimum wage

BRITAIN's bovine milk suppliers are to receive a guaranteed income for their bodily secretions.

Cafe refilled Heinz bottles with generic ketchup

A LONDON cafe has been caught refilling its old Heinz sauce bottles with cheaper ‘industrial ketchup’.

Zuckerberg now youngest person still on Facebook

THIRTY year-old Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is the youngest person still on it.

Landlords demand right of life and death over tenants

BRITISH landlords have demanded their powers over tenants be extended to life and death.

Falling inflation means system will find some other way to screw you

BRITAIN is waiting to find out how it will be made to pay dearly for low inflation.

Stupid business idea sickeningly successful

A TERRIBLE business idea has made an entrepreneur undeservedly rich, it has emerged.

Tesco to close 43 of its 400 million stores

RETAILER Tesco has confirmed that it is shutting more than one in every 10 million of its UK stores.

Loyalty card holders ‘must show total loyalty’

ALL loyalty card holders must show complete obedience, supermarkets have announced.