Business

SHOPPERS have told retailers that a ten per cent discount is worthless so they may as well stop pretending otherwise.

A SUCCESSFUL City banker has asked everyone to stop suggesting he secretly has a heart of gold.

BURGER chain McDonald’s has a new slogan emphasising that at least its product is unpretentious.

LLOYDS staff have complained that being ‘digitised’ merely involves being sacked rather than blasted into a thrilling video game world.

NORTHERN rail commuters have admitted that they have no real need to go anywhere very fast.

ANY business which claims to be successful is covering up a huge hole in its accounts, analysts have confirmed.

ANYONE asked to undertake unpaid work can exchange Facebook ‘likes’ for food under a new government initiative.

A NEW model of car is as unremarkable as your personality, according to its makers.

THE UK’s banks have announced their new multi-billion pound government bailout, which will take place in March next year.

A GROUP of conference attendees making strained conversation at the bar have realised that they are networking.